between a Rock & a hard place ...

Unless you've been living under a rock ... *cough* ... *ahem* ... (sorry about that), you probably know that WWE Superstar turned Hollywood action star, Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson has since returned to the company that made him who he is, and has regained the WWE Championship title. This leads him to headline Wrestlemania 29, the "superbowl" of pro-wrestling, on Sunday April 7th in a title match against John Cena.

There is no doubt that the return of sports entertainment's biggest star is a huge draw and equates to larger ratings for the weekly WWE programing and ideally inflated sales for the Wrestlemania event, but there seems to be a growing shift in favor AGAINST the Rock, due to his apparent lack of commitment to the WWE Universe.

the signs say it all!

The Rock doesn't NEED to be back in the WWE. We all know this. He's back cuz he loves the business and loves the fans, which is great. However. the wrestling world is funny place. Fans have blind uncontested love for their favorites, but have expectations that go along with that love, and god help you if you cross them ... One of those expectations is being PRESENT and available week after week. Stars like Cena and CM Punk "prove" their dedication week-in and week-out, all year long.

When the Rock, or anyone else, floats back into the company after a 10 year absence, is awarded the highest title in the business, and only shows up maybe once or twice a month, people can't help but take exception ... Particularly when it starts to be viewed as nothing more than a platform to promote his new movie. (G.I. Joe)

Most rational people recognize the complexities of trying to be an active and consistent presence on a weekly live event that takes no breaks as well as honoring commitments to a movie studio that is signing your checks, so they don't HATE the Rock for his absence ... That being said, his "part-timed-ness"is not EVER going to change, and his in-ring show ability just ain't what it was in his younger days. Wrestling fans want what they want, and its undeniable that more of them than ever are calling for "People's Champ" to gracefully hang up his tights, once and for all.

 Share on Facebook, click Follow or Join this Site! ... or get more insight and shenanigans on Twitter @DarkOcean

Jeselnik: Biting off More than he can Chew?

If you haven't heard yet, hurry and take a look/listen before it gets buried ... Anthony Jeselnik - comedian and host of Comedy Central's newest comedy series/ late night weekly talk show, The Jeselnik Offensive, may have already stepped in it ... and only in like his 4th episode out ....

Ok. A quick little catch up for what went down - a man by the name of Adam Strange was killed in New Zealand a couple weeks back by a shark attack. Jeselnik, as the title of his show indicates, holds little to nothing back, per his comedy style, in order to shock and offend. So, not only did he make light of the tragedy, he devoted an entire skit called "Shark Party", complete with a song & dance number, to celebrate the event.

"Too far"? That's what a lot of people feel, as throughout the bit a bloody surfer parades around the stage while Jeselnik gets a lap dance from a "sexy female shark" ... Here's the video:

Some of his controversial comments included:

"So when a shark kills a man, you gotta give thanks!" 

"And lets not forget the man that made this all possible ... Smile, you son of a bitch!"

What is interesting is that Comedy Central has yet to remove this clip from Youtube (if its still there by the time you are reading this) ... Perhaps they are playing by the age old adage - "Any publicity is GOOD publicity"?

With notoriously edgy shows like South Park and Tosh.0, Comedy Central is no stranger to controversy when their talent inevitably crosses that line of decency that will have viewers and critics demanding everything from apologies to cancellation of the offending program. Thus, I'm quite certain they already have the situation well in hand, as far as spinning this latest transgression in their favor.

There is also a response video circulating, of an offended New Zealander calling the COO of Viacom to register his disdain:

Whatever the fallout, and whichever side you stand on, Anthony Jeselnik is definitely making a name for himself. I'm quite certain this won't be the last time that viewers will be demanding his head on a plate.

The Jeselnik Offensive airs Tuesdays @ 10:30pm on Comedy Central.

 Share on Facebook, click Follow or Join this Site! ... or get more insight and shenanigans on Twitter @DarkOcean

Following 'THE FOLLOWING' on FOX ...

Have you been keeping up? I have, from the very start, and although noticing SOME problems with the show from the get-go, I had HOPES for Fox's new thriller, The Following, starring Kevin Bacon as broken, former FBI agent Ryan Hardy, to find some improvement over time ... But is has NOT. ... Let's discuss ... Shall we?

Its not QUITE the "torture porn" that one friend warned me it was gonna be, yet it does have its graphic moments ... But I don't really care about that. I care if a 'crime thriller' about an FBI agent trying to catch a Serial Killer and his murderous cult disciples is going to be interesting, compelling, and exciting or not ... And, unfortunately, it just refuses to be any of those things.

First - the painfully redundant images, quotes, and references to Edgar Allan Poe that serves as the inspiration and motivation for arch-villain Joe Carroll, played by James Purefoy ... (they hammer it into viewers' heads every 10 seconds so that they'll never forget it ...) *Yawn* and corny.

Next, none of the characters have ANY personality other than the most basic and archetypical, regardless of HOW many layers the writers ATTEMPT to paint on them. Isn't there a rule against one character having to VOCALIZE what another character's personality is, just so the viewers get it?

My main problem with the show is that it just isn't smart. They say the 'the measure of a hero is based the magnitude of his opposition or the obstacles they must overcome' ... The Following is thee most inept 'cop show' you have ever seen. The FBI, the police, and every other branch of law enforcement on the show are eye-rollingly ineffective. They cannot do ANYTHING right, making it that much easier for the villains to always be one step ahead, coming off as that much more genius with their plans.

Every character consistently makes all the worst decisions possible. Nobody EVER sends backup, or backup is always 10-15 minutes too far away ... People break out of prison or sneak through dragnets like nothing when the home or building is surrounded ... No matter how many innocents the bad guys kidnap and kill, officers will always announce themselves and point their guns at them first, instead of just shooting and ending the insanity ... (the villain then usually has time to escape or turn the tables and kill the good guy) ...

How many more NEW people will they show each week in a flashback, visiting Joe Carroll in prison, that turns out to be one of his 'followers'? Yet for some reason, the FBI (for gods sake) can't nail down or even identify any of these people that have been having private, unmonitored conversations and visits with this convicted serial killer for 8 years right under their noses.

So then you might say - "Well, EJ, if cops did everything RIGHT all the time, they would catch the bad guys too fast and then there wouldn't be any show!"

And I say to you - "Shut up and go bury your head back in the sand." If you have to make characters stupid and continually do the implausible in order to advance the plot, then you suck as a writer. You're supposed make the good guys capable, competent, and have them make all the right moves, and THEN you concentrate on sculpting the bad guys as still being able to outwit them ... Not only outwitting the protagonists, but also outsmarting the audience, which is what 'thriller' viewers want. Otherwise? What's the point?

Take a show like Hawaii Five-0 - maybe not the most intellectual cop drama on TV, but Steve and Danny are always on top of any situation on hand. They track people, make use of any and every form of video surveillance from traffic cams to local store security monitors ... Hack computers, utilize forensics, and call in police, U.S. Marshals, the Coast Guard, etc. for support when needed ... Basically everything you'd EXPECT that a group like the FBI would be able to do on The Following ... but doesn't, because ... Well, the writers would then need to find a way to make the villains smarter ... instead of just "telling the audience that they are".

I could just go on forever with my frustrations over this show (already feels like I have) , ... I mean, we all love Kevin Bacon, but he, everyone, and everything else on The Following is just so empty. They waste so much time to trying to establish a feeling and mood for the show ... only to wind up with nothing else of substance.

Is it possible that I'm just still missing a former FOX show, and taking my pain out on The Following? ... Remember "24"? Can't help but feel CTU super agent, Jack Bauer, would have wrapped this whole thing up with the quickness ... Broken a few people's necks in the process, maybe? ... Ah, thems were the good ol' days ... Whatever.

The Following airs Monday nights @ 9pm on FOX.

 Share on Facebook, click Follow or Join this Site! ... or get more insight and shenanigans on Twitter @DarkOcean

Does LATE NIGHT need Nikki & Sara?

If you haven't heard of them yet, I bet you never will, but Nikki Glaser (the blonde) and Sara Schaefer (the 4-eyes) host a "new?" late night talk show on MTV called Nikki & Sara Live. It airs only Tuesday nights at 11pm, and it feels like a test run for something the young adult network used to be good at and probably does need to re-explore ... So ... "Is it any GOOD?" ... in a word? - Hell Fuckin' No.

These girls DO have chemistry. I'll give them that. And they SHOULD, as they've co-hosted a weekly podcast together for some time called You Had to be There which gained a following and thus yielded Nikki & Sara Live. They've obv studied "Late Night 101", making light of and taking shots at celebrities and anyone making recent headlines for their opening segment. They follow with a sketch or a real on the street interview about some inane topic, and finally round it all off with some random celebrity guest ... This week was J-Woww ... *cough* ...

The problem is that Nikki and Sara, who are SUPPOSED to be actual comedians, are not funny at all ... AT ALL. Their continual attempt at that "dry/deadpan humor" you'd find in the classic SNL News segments, is nothing short of embarrassing to watch. They seem to be desperately trying to channel Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, but even when they DON'T flub their jokes (which is rare), the delivery just falls flat ... each and every single time. It's sad.

The show is only on once a week, so even at their most topical, they're not funnier than, say, Anthony Jeselnik (who hosts a similar/better weekly 30 min show "The Jeselnik Offensive" Tuesday nights on Comedy Central), and they'll forever be late to the game, with TMZ having already given you all the celeb gossip a week prior.

I feel there's ALWAYS room for another 'Late Night Talker'. As varying as the audience is out there, there's always a new voice that can speak to them. But if you're not going to reinvent the wheel, at least be funny. If you are unable to provide anything unique or compelling, at least be genuine ... Nikki & Sara hit NONE of these marks, so even at 30 minutes a week, it is a complete waste of time. Nice try MTV, but don't give up. You'll get it right again, one of these days.


 Share on Facebook, click Follow or Join this Site! ... or get more insight and shenanigans on Twitter @DarkOcean

Sundays, still Super?

The NFL Football season, (the BEST part of the Sunday experience), is over, making today the worst Sunday ever, right? ... Well, wrong. Very far from it, in fact! Sunday is now (Sunday NIGHTS, at least) , here in the middle of February, the best its EVER been!

Need proof? Well grab your DVR remote and check THIS out!:

#1 - The return of the Walking Dead - tonight on AMC, maybe one of the best horror themed TV series of all time is back from its mid-season break. If you haven't heard people sweating the balls outa this show, you've been living under a rock. And unless you hate horror, checking out this show once, will make u see why. This season may be the best yet! Michonne ... the Governor ... Even Carl has stepped his game up, and become ... dare I say ... Awesome? Yep. I'll say it.  We have a whole slew of new survivors that just joined up. Governor lost his zombie daughter as well as an eye and is on a rampage, and Dale and his brother are about to fight for their lives ... Cannot wait!

#2 - Showtime on par with HBO? - Believe it! Everyone talks about Dexter, which is fine, but the best show on Showtime is without a doubt - Shameless. I don't say this often, but this is one of BEST shows on TV right now. For complete quality, I'd put it second ONLY to Game of Thrones. Yep. I said it. Its that damn good. Some of the best characters and best stories you've ever seen. And SOOO fuckin funny. Check it out, and then try and come back and tell me I'm wrong.

#3 - House of Lies - Still on Showtime, we have House of Lies with Don Cheadle. It took me a minute to get into this show ... had trouble with Cheadle as the anti-protagonist that is so popular on cable these days (ever since Tony Soprano) .... but now that I've cast my original notions aside, I've really gotten into it! Not the BEST show on the network, but very very good, and at 30 min, its just enough. The cast has great chemistry, and Nia Long has joined up this season, so for all those missing her ... There ya go!

#4 - HBO's Girls - I like it, but I shouldn't. Most shows - you LIKE the main characters ... Or at least you are supposed to. Girls is different in that I just HATE these girls and everyone on the show. ESPECIALLY Lena Dunham, who totally "George Lucas's" the show as star, writer, director, and executive producer of most of the eps.

Her character and her friends are just disgusting, and I don't just mean physically ... They actually sicken me. But that being said, the show is actually awesome in how it strays from convention. You never quite know what will be said, or what is going to happen next, and that's definitely a mark of strong writing, and refreshing in today's TV landscape. It also does well to capture the NYC experience for 20-somethings, being one of the best shows to do it since How to Make it in America. (which HBO never should have cancelled) Oh, and the only exception to hating all the characters, is the mousey friend - Shoshanna, whom I love. Even though she gets the least screentime of the 4 of them, she's the best. So ... yeah. If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend trying it out for a few eps. cuz Girls is, in fact, worth it.


And #5 - last, but not least, for those that may be cable-impaired, I submit - Fox's Animation Domination -Their successful Sunday night of animated comedies for many years running, which is as solid as ever! Simpsons - ok. Ain't what it used to be, but still better than most TV out there, and occasionally knocks one out of the park, still! Cleveland Show has really hit its stride over the last 2 couple seasons, and is worthy of the spinoff it was given ... Only suggestion - More of Tim the Bear! Family Guy - like the Simpsons, isn't what it used to be, but almost never disappoints, especially with Stewie and Brian together. Then there's American Dad which has found it's groove and become the BEST of the Sunday night bunch. Everything "Roger" is genius, and the fringe characters like Principal Lewis and Haley's husband Jeff give the Simpsons supporting cast a run for their money!

All this is on just ONE night of Television! And that's not even to mention that Game of Thrones is coming back at the end of March. Yeah. Even without Football, Sunday is DEFINITELY still Super.


 Share on Facebook, click Follow or Join this Site! ... or get more insight and shenanigans on Twitter @DarkOcean

Dear Diaries ... You Suck.

So I gave CW's Carrie Diaries, the "prequel" to the hit Sex & the City series, set in the 1980's with a teenage Carrie Bradshaw, a shot ... and its an absolute disaster.  Candace Bushnell, who also did SATC and is Executive Producer on Carrie Diaries, should be ashamed of herself.

The problems are as follows:

#1 - It doesn't embrace the 80's - with SO much nostalgia attached to the 80's, you'd think this show would try harder to grasp what the period was all about, but it doesn't. Quite the contrary, it works extra hard to feel more "timeless", so as not to scare off its core CW demographic ... Most of whom would have no recollection or appreciation of the 80's. So other than an occasional wink, it NEVER feels like the decade its set in, which is a purposeful blunder on their part...

... But then when Carrie Diaries TRIES, it gets it all wrong. Characters looks like they are wearing "80's costumes", instead of looking like 80's people. They don't walk like its the 80's. They don't talk like its the 80's. They don't even do their hair like the 80's. Everything looks like stage props, from the worn, vintage "Interview magazine", to the walkman they revolve a whole scene around, just to remind you which decade they are in. They should consult "That 70's Show" to take notes on how to get the feel of a period RIGHT.

#2 - Highschool Cliche 101 - its the CW, so they resort to most of the typical highschool drama cookie-cutter BS, with the "mean girl bullies", including the Queen bee and her racially diverse subordinates, cuz ... that's real. You've got the cheerleaders dressed in their cheerleader outfits on the first day of school, along with half of everyone else in letterman jackets, cuz that's what people can relate to. Girls that tolerate having a nickname like "Mouse" and guys affectionately referring to people by their last names ... I mean, does anyone actually DO that?!? Then, of course, you have the usual dynamic of the "evil rich kids" vs "poor, victimized, upper middle class kids". They're just not TRYING.

#3 - Too much of Nothing - the ORIGINAL Sex & the City was harmless, lighthearted, escapism for 30 min each week. The Carrie Diaries is TWICE as long, yet with only a fraction of the substance. Carrie's stick-figure of a father is just thrown in as a set piece/recurring obstacle, yet we're supposed to care about him somehow ... Her friends are boring and one dimensional with their *yawn* "stories" consuming half of every episode ... And then the token 80's hipster socialite black chick (go, diversity!) that "adopts" Carrie into her circle and teaches all about "the big city"... She's got a British accent, so you KNOW she's trendy and worldly ... yet completely oblivious to the fact that's she's hanging out with a 16 year old. Trash.

I could go on, and on, and on, and on, and ON with everything that's wrong with Carrie Diaries. But suffice it to say that it is just BAD. People that loved SATC would hate it, and people that are unfamiliar with it, won't get the point.

 Share on Facebook, click Follow or Join this Site! ... or get more insight and shenanigans on Twitter @DarkOcean

1600 Puke-sylvania Avenue ...

Ah, "Midseason" ... Television's dumping ground. Programming that couldn't make it onto the Fall Prime schedule, or simply placeholders for the actual GOOD stuff on hiatus between premiere eps. Still, I decided to give NBC's new Thursday night comedy a shot, and as you can guess by the title of this post ... It ... ain't ... good ...

1600 Penn is a sitcom starring Bill Pullman (or is it Bill Paxton?) as the President of the United States with his goofy, out of control family, creating hijinks in the Oval Office. The premise has potential and it reminds me of The Simpsons episode where Lisa was President and had to manage the antics of HER crazy family. I wouldn't be surprised if this is where 1600 Penn got its inspiration, however the result is MUCH much less enjoyable...

Every character is "one-note", teetering between "bland" and "unlikable", and the jokes are as empty and predictable as the plot points. Nobody exists believably in their world, so then is the humor coming from the situation? The crazy family member? The "straight-man"? (essentially, everybody ELSE on the show including other 'crazy family members' quickly normalized, as a joke necessitates, in order to carry)  Nobody knows!

The overgrown man-child - the John Belushi-esque, trouble-making, halfwit, loser son of the President, Skip Gilchrist, played by Josh Gad, is supposed to be the standout. But he's actually the worst. "A bumbling, fat oaf that doesn't know how to act, EVER". Very original NBC. Way to raise the bar there. His scenes are as excruciatingly tiresome as much as everyone else is completely forgettable.

The Peacock Net has BIG shoes to fill and needs DESPERATELY to reinvigorate it's Thursday nights, what with it's floundering commitment to Community, The Office seemingly on its last leg, and 30 Rock finishing up this year ... But 1600 Penn is NOT a step in the right direction. The show? In a word? - "Unwatchable"

 Share on Facebook, click Follow or Join this Site! ... or get more insight and shenanigans on Twitter @DarkOcean