Did anyone catch the Roast of Donald Trump last night on Comedy Central?? Well, I did. And first, let me preface it by saying - Roasts aren't really my thing. The "stars" of them like Jeff Ross and Lisa Lampanelli, I never found very funny ... But just for the fact that Mike "the Situation" Sorrentino was part of the dais this time (that's what they call the panel of roasters, apparently), morbid curiosity demanded that I at least DVR it ... And it was, in fact, a slow moving train wreck.
You may have HEARD how bad the Situation's 'performance' was, but you have NO idea till you watch it yourself. It was the most painful thing ever. From each joke that fell flatter than the last, to the ZERO crowd laughter which made the occasional pity chuckle from the other roasters stand out that much more, to his hackneyed "I-don't-know-WHO he was trying to emulate" motif and comedic stylings. I know it's easy and commonplace to "hate" on Jersey Shore reality stars for their lack of "talent", but this, I promise you, is the WORST thing you've ever seen.
Ralph Wiggum said it the best, Situation - "I'm bembarassed for you!"
And of the rest of Roast there were a few more key mentions:
Lisa Lampanelli: Not funny. At all. I might have cracked a smile here and there, but it was just a bunch of "so what".
Snoop Dogg: Pretty decent. Nothing ground breaking, but he was mildly entertaining. But why is it that they bleeped everything that came out of Snoop's mouth, while Seth McFarlane was free to say "Shit" and "Bullshit" all night long? Also, aren't we all just sick and bored of "hahaha Snoop smokes weed and gets High" jokes? Is that ALL anyone's got? Seriously take a stretch at ANYTHING else.
Jeff Ross: Also not funny. Not even a little bit. His biggest jokes, meant for shock value, were just more sad that he'd actually go there just for a laugh.
Whitney Cummings: Watching her was almost as painful as watching the Situation. Whitney's kinda hot, but even less funny than Ross and Lampanelli. She is like YELLING all of her corny lines and on top of that, she's blatantly reading her jokes off her note cards while at the podium! Hell, at least even Mike attempted to REMEMBER his material. And the worst of it? While she was sitting down and all her fellow roasters were ragging on her for being such a whore, she kept issuing this fake, over-exaggerated, obnoxious, Julia Roberts-esque, bellowing laugh ... uhg. Trying too hard, much?
Larry King: Funny! Who knew? They all trashed him for being old, but he took it well, and when he took the podium, he kept his routine short, tight, and on point. The man has been on camera for decades upon decades. He's knows how to bring it.
But the BEST roaster of the night? Newcomer Anthony Jeselnik. He eviscerated everyone and was hysterical every step of the way. His funniest? - "Donald Trump is such a douchebag. If you look up 'douchebag' in the dictionary, it's a picture of Spencer Pratt. But if you look close, Spencer Pratt is holding up a picture of Donald Trump." - Brilliant!