Monday, June 6, 2011

The 2011 MTV Movie Awards: The Highlight Reel ...

MTV decided to not only go big for their 2011 Movie Awards, but to also go LIVE, which made for a few ... surprises ... More on that later. But it was hosted amply by SNL's Jason Sudeikis. MTV has had a mixed bag of Award show hosts the last few years and Sudeikis, although not the best, was far from the worst, making the obligatory cracks about MTV barely showing videos any longer, and of course, taking non-stop jabs at the former Governator and his recent ... issues. Fish in a barrel, Sudeikis. Fish in a barrel.

Anyways, you know how I do things. Rather than give you a bland recap of the "traditional" awards given out, I prefer to give out a few of my own!

The Best Presentation Duo Award goes to Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. You may remember that the 2 presented together at the Oscars as well, where Mila won my "Most Perfect Outfit" Award. Her dress wasn't anything special this time, but the chemistry that these 2 share is pretty undeniable.

The Funniest Skit Award goes to Tyrese Gibson and Jason Sudeikis hilariously playing a an "actor" named Dick Fuel (bearing a striking resemblance to one Vin Diesel) who was cut out of Fast Five, but still joins a reluctant Tyrese in a PSA against the dangers of Texting while engaged in High Speed Illegal Street Races.

The Joke Over the Audiences Head Award goes to Selena Gomez, but way of Jason Sudeikis and his triple entendre filled jabs at her relationship with Justin Bieber. With all the public pictures of the young couple lip-locked, Sudeikis warns her against "swallowing Bieber's baby teeth" ... Saying she "might choke on them". Hilarity and humiliation ensued, but I don't think even SHE quite got why. Awesome.

Best Dressed Award (again, different than the "Most Perfect Outfit Award") goes to Jim Carey. Wearing, perhaps, the most advanced and hilarious suit anyone has ever seen, his tux featured vibrant, visual, digital displays of everything under the sun, up to and including dogs humping each other. Where was Joan Rivers for THIS outfit? Good job, sir.

This year's winner (as well as last year's and the year before that) of the Count Your Lucky Stars You Still Have a Job Here Award goes to none other than Sway. Yeah. I really don't get what his function is anymore ... Whatever happened to Suchin Pak and Gideon Yago ... Anybody know?

Next is the Jesus Christ, Nicki Minaj! Award which goes to ... yep! Nicki Minaj. I mean, someone ELSE wearing that outfit would probably go un-noticed. However, Nicki's unique ... dimensions ... just made it a complete show stopper. I think Ashton Kutcher would agree with me.

Always one of my FAVORITE awards - The Most Insincere Thank You Award goes to Kristen Stewart. After like the hundredth win for Twilight, she looked like she didn't even want to be bothered with taking the stage. She then lets out a clearly audible "Oh man, this is silly ... Okay." before summoning the strength to incoherently stammer through some semblance of an acceptance speech. You get the sense that even SHE couldn't swallow the crap she was spewing, talking in circles, before eventually reaching the point of mocking the cliche'd "Thank you to all the Fans!" bit.

Even cute little Emma Watson was shaking her pretty little head in disgust/disbelief at what was occurring on stage. Maybe Stewart had been drinking, was a bit high, or just didn't care anymore, but that was definitely one of the biggest WTF moments of the night.

SPEAKING of Emma Watson, SHE wins the occasionally controversial Dayum! When did THAT Happen?! Award for her sexy little stride to the stage to present a clip of the upcoming Harry Potter movie, and offering the oh so subtle reminder that the girl IS in fact now a 21 year old woman. Yikes! ... but also Yay!

The Are YOU Still Here?! Award goes to Chelsea Handler. After an embarrassingly unfunny hosting performance at last years VMAs, you'd think she'd want to bury her face in the sand for a little while longer before showing it again at the next big MTV Award show. Unfortunately for us? - No such luck.

The You Got Screwed Tonight Award went to .... EVERYONE that "competed" against Twilight: Eclipse in any of the major film categories this year. I mean, it's the people that would actually VOTE for an MTV Award show. Which movie do you THINK they would chose!? Although snaps go out to Tom Felton (Harry Potter's Draco Malfoy) for squeezing out a win for MTV's Best Villain. Everyone else? Why'd you even bother showing up?

The extra special Even Creepier in a Bubble Award goes to none other than Gary Busey. For some reason he was presenting in what he referred to as a 'hamster ball', but you can't help but think it was just the MTV execs way of providing some buffer (and a hint of 'protection') for the audience ... God, Busey is even menacing through the tv screen. *shudder*

And last, but certainly not LEAST, the You Won't Catch this S*** on Repeat Award, sometimes called the "Someone's Going to have a VERY Long Day Tomorrow Award", goes to Twilight's Robert Pattinson for dropping the F' Bomb. There's usually a several second delay to "protect" viewers from celebs going off script or any insanity that might occur. Last night, someone was asleep at the switch when Rob-Pat was on stage helping to present Reese Witherspoon with the Generation Award.

In the midst of talking about he and Reese's "relationship" in their current movie, Water for Elephants,  Pattinson makes a joke that should have been bleeped, but wasn't.

The good news is that it made for one of the funniest bits of entire evening, and was a healthy reminder to always catch things 1st run. The BAD news is, that you aren't going to be able to see the unedited version anywhere again ... But then the GOOD news is that you know ME, and EJ WON'T let you down!

Here ya go!

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