So, ok. The very BEST way to do this is to NOT rundown all the awards that you saw given out already ... Hell, even if you missed them, you can find THOSE results on any other website. Instead? I'm going to give out some awards of my own!
The 1st award of Worst Host EVER goes to James Franco. God, was he doped up? Completely unprepared and nervous? Whatever it was, it was painful to watch. An otherwise likable actor, I hope he learned something from all this, cuz WE sure did.
Which brings us to our next winner. The We Try Harder Award, aka the Golden Lifesaver Award goes to Anne Hathaway. She wasn't stellar either, but you can see she came with her A game and put everything she had into carrying the whole damn thing, including Franco's load and making the hosting duties at least bearable this year.
Next, the Most Perfect Outfit Award (different than "Best Dressed") goes to Mila Kunis. I mean, just ... Dayum! Meg Griffin? Really? Timberlake had one of the best seats in the house.
The Best Presentation Duo Award goes to Russell Brand & Helen Mirren. Short. Funny. Non self-congratulatory. And the perfect chemistry between an ideal mismatch. Those Brits got it on lock!
Best Entrance of the Night? The award goes to Oprah Winfrey. To be honest I don't even remember what she was presenting, THAT's how impressive her walk to the stage was. When she came out it was like she owned the place. I mean, she's OPRAH, damnit! So snaps to her for unintentionally stealing that moment!
The Best Acceptance Speech Award goes to 2 people this time. Aaron Sorkin for winning Best Adapted Screenplay. He went long with his acceptance "thank yous", but didn't miss a BEAT when they brought on the "wrap it up" music. Kept his composure, was heartfelt, humble, eloquent, and he thanked EVERYONE. Also deserving of the Award was Luke Matheny for Best Live Action Short Film. Wild haired and crazy looking, he epitomizes the "I can't believe I'm here!" Undergrad Film major. He even thanked his mom. Not just for the usual "believing in him" (cliche') but for doing the actual kraft services for the film. Now THAT's genuine.
The ever controversial Fuck You Award went to Corey Haim. After not getting acknowledged during the "In Memoriam" segment of earlier this year's Screen Actors Guild Awards, (Haim died last year after an unintentional drug overdose) Haim's BFF Feldman made a little stink that "surprisingly enough" fell upon deaf ears. Some (like myself) wondered if that snub would be made up for at this year's Oscars ... and it wasn't. I watched intently as Celine Dion sang during the Oscar's Memoriam, and ... nothing. Oh well! Dion was great though. I love her!
The Most Perplexing aka the WTF? Award goes to Bob Hope ... or better yet, the people who orchestrated that whole Max Headroom-like scene, along with Billy Crystal. I see what they were trying to get at. It was kinda clever ... Honoring Oscar pioneers and legends as well as honoring Visual Effects ... It wasn't "BAD" per se, but the whole thing just left me scratching my head, like - "huh?"
And, not to be outdone, the 83rd Oscars Creepiest Moment Award goes to The PS 22 Children's Choir. I don't know what it was about these kids, but watching them take the stage and start crooning at the end of the show, for some reason just pushed it over the edge for me. Only 2 words came to mind: "Enough Already". And from there, I changed the channel.
Finally the Best Scene and Line Award for the entire Academy Awards presentation this year goes to Alec Baldwin. The opening skit where Franco and Hathaway entered his dream in order to find out secrets to hosting the Oscars was the funniest part of the night, and the high point was Baldwin telling them : "That's right. A dream inside two other dreams. You just got INCEPTIONED!"